HomeHomeDecember 2008
Taking Time to Breathe
"Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable."
Sidney J. Harris
American Journalist
Over the past several years, I've written many WITNE columns about making a difference, and I believe that it doesn't take much to change the world--your world, that is. Sometimes the tiniest gesture you make can have an impact on a loved one or even change the course of a stranger's life.
Saying "Yes" to Life
I was reminded of this when reading Danny Wallace's hilarious book, Yes Man. Danny is a young Londoner who realizes he's become too isolated and lonely as a result of a relationship breakup. One day, he meets a stranger on a bus, who simply advises him to "say yes more."
After that fateful encounter, our hero vows to become more open to the universe and say yes to the offers that came his way. Some of his adventures were silly, some were downright dangerous, and some were quite touching. His uplifting story became a book and is now a "soon-to-be-released motion picture coming to a theater near you!"
After his "Yes" experiment ends, and he reflects on everything he did over the course of the year, he ponders the point of it all---did it make any difference? After doing an Internet search on the subject of people's regrets, and reading some heartbreaking stories, he comes to the following conclusion:
"Take the stupidest thing you've ever done. At least it's done. It's over. It's gone. We can all learn from our mistakes and heal and move on. But it's harder to learn or heal or move on from something that hasn't happened; something we don't know and is therefore indefinable; something which could very easily have been the best thing in our lives, if only we'd taken the plunge, if only we'd held our breath and stood up and done it, if only we'd said yes. If only..."We've all been down that road before. Having regrets is part of the human experience; however, we can make incremental changes by being open to new experiences, and we don't have to risk life, limb, life savings or even our jobs to do it.
We just have to be reminded sometimes. Think about it--what are the adventures you've had, just because you said "yes" instead of "no" to an offer?
A Chance Encounter and a Life-Defining "Yes"
Tonight, a dear friend left a voicemail, thanking me for a card I had recently sent her. She is the kind of person we all aspire to be--classy, thoughtful, kind, compassionate, non-judgmental, and exceedingly generous--and she makes you feel you are the most brilliant and most important friend in the world.
In my note, I had reminded her to slow down from her usual breakneck speed and get some rest before she heads back to England for the holiday season. She was touched that I would ask her to rest, relax, and breathe.
Years ago, I ran into her by chance during a particularly bleak period in my life. I didn't know her well, but we ended up having lunch one day soon after, and for some reason, I gave her an update on what was really happening to me.
What happened next stunned me. She said if I ever needed a break, I could stay in her flat in the Cotswolds. Now, I wasn't exactly sure where the Cotswolds were, but when it comes to travel opportunities, one never has to tell me twice. Some of the biggest life regrets I've had were the travel opportunities I turned down because I was too young or scared or didn't want to travel alone.
Within weeks of that offer, I had found a dirt-cheap airfare to London and wound up on a series of trains heading somewhere to the west. It was during Thanksgiving season, and I was alone, spending my days exploring the English countryside, and eating parsnip soup and Shepherd's pie and watching Manchester United football games down at the pub with the locals.
I discovered the talents of the village residents at the annual church bazaar, and found wonderful handcrafted one-of-a-kind Christmas gifts. I wandered over to neighboring villages, and poked around various shops. While not exploring, I read books and English papers and magazines and drank endless cups of tea at my friend's flat.
That English break was a chance to breathe, away from the stresses of life. And I had the time of my life. On my last day in London, I wandered through Kew Gardens, wishing I could stay longer, but even the best journeys must eventually come to an end.
In my recent note to my friend, I reminisced about how much that gift meant--the generous offer she gave me to stay at her beloved Cotswolds sanctuary. That gift was, as they say in the movies, "the beginning of a beautiful friendship".
It's never too late to say yes.
Here's wishing you unexpected and pleasant surprises in the New Year!
Teresa
tcallies@Hotmail.com
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