HomeHomeFebruary 2002
It's been five months since the terrorist attacks in the U.S., and we Americans are continuing our long period of soul-searching about the meaning of life and our legacies. Have we changed our lives for the better in this short span of time? Or have we gone back to our old materialistic ways? The jury is still out, and the debate about whether or not our culture has changed or will change will undoubtedly continue for some time.
We're facing a seemingly never-ending war, amid additional warnings of potential threats. It's no wonder that we're "twitchy," as Sydney Morning Herald travel writer Barbara Walsh so accurately describes the American "state of mind" at present.
Despite the stress that the "big picture" holds right now, February can provide a brief respite from our worldly cares. In this month associated with love, we dream of giving (or receiving) flowers, chocolates, or other tokens of affection on Valentine's Day. It is a time in which we think about what really matters--the people we love most.
And no matter what happens in the world at large, we only have a finite amount of time to give our love to others. While it's important to let family and friends know we care, it's also important to remember that kindness to strangers and small graces go a long way in this post 9/11 world.
Recently, I witnessed a startling reminder about the power of kindess to strangers---as well as a reminder of how precious and fragile our lives really are. While waiting for a friend at a local restaurant, I noticed a young woman having lunch in a booth across the aisle. She and her girlfriend were having a pleasant meal with their children, when they were interrupted by a cell phone call. Suddenly, the woman burst out crying and continued to sob uncontrollably for several minutes. She had received word that her cousin had been in a serious car crash, and was not expected to live. Sympathetic waitresses gathered around and carefully helped both women pack up their children, and their lunches, as they tried to think of comforting things to say to the grief-stricken young woman.
How many of us have received phone calls like this at various times in our lives---about friends and loved ones who passed away, sometimes suddenly, sometimes expectedly, through illness or accident? On another level, this incident was a reminder of how interconnected we all are, and how we can affect other's lives in powerful ways--through our love, attention and affection.
Sometimes the biggest gifts come in subtle packages---a note of comfort sent at the time when it's most needed, a smile and a laugh shared with a loved one when they're hurting, or a phone message or email just to let someone know they matter to us can make a huge difference.
For example, I can still remember how two small acts of kindness made me feel. Years after the events themselves, memories of two pieces of mail received at different points in my life still bring tears to my eyes. The first was a note from a former camp counselor named Jane, who had invited me to spend a few days with her after learning that a close childhood friend of mine had died in a car crash. She knew I was hurting, and cared enough to offer me a place to stay, if I needed it. I was nineteen, and shell-shocked about my friend's death, but I'll always remember that note from Jane.
The other note was from a college professor, who let me know how well I had done in the final exam for his class. It was very encouraging--not just about the last test, but about my work during the entire course. He will never know that I carried that note in my wallet for years, how reading his kind words again and again made my self-esteem soar.
I was reminded again about the power of small graces in our lives when I recently met a new friend who is going through a tough divorce. She told me how lonely she was. Rather impulsively, I reached out and gave her a big hug. Later, I sheepishly wondered if that was appropriate, but all I could do at the time was assure her that everything would be all right, in time. I have been down that road myself, and I remember how it feels. Days later, when my friend and I had dinner, she told me how much that hug meant. At that point, I then wondered if I show enough affection in my life.
Ultimately, our legacies will not necessarily be measured by length of time lived, or the amount of time spent at the workplace, but how well we have spent our lives. We will be remembered for our kindness, our compassion, our laughter, and our grace. We will be remembered for the love we gave away.
Teresa
tcallies@hotmail.comResources, news, and interesting tidbits:
February is Black History Month, and there are many, many web sites devoted to the subject. The Teachers Corner, an "online resource for educators" offers a terrific index of sites devoted to Black History.
The New York Public Library offers an amazing selection of images of African-Americans in the 19th century.
Major news web sites such as CNN and MSNBC also offer information on Black History. Darrell Dowling also writes about the the father of Black History Month for MSNBC.
The University of Missouri at Kansas City offers a list of African-American firsts on their web site.
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