The Illusion

Two years ago, on a flight back home, I looked out the airplane window and saw something strange and wonderful. Years before, I had seen them on a beautiful Minnesota night. However, I had never seen them from this particular vantage point, thousands of feet above the Earth. A woman seated in the row ahead of me noticed them, too. "What is it?" she asked. We talked quietly for several minutes. We seemed to be the only ones on the plane who watched this ethereal sight.

It was magical, like a beautiful, ghostly illusion-- shifting shapes, and never quite the same from one moment to the next. We were witnessing a natural phenomenon---- the Northern Lights! (Otherwise known as Aurora Borealis). It was awe-inspiring, and a fitting end to a journey that would teach many lessons about illusions.

Days before the trip, I had complained bitterly to a friend. Midway between separation and divorce, I was tired, angry and sad. Grieving for the life left behind, my future seemed bleak and lonely. My parents had also been divorced, and my situation was like a dark, recurring nightmare. I could not believe that I would one day get to the other side of this experience. Feeling sorry for myself, lacking gratitude for all that was still good about life, I felt stuck. It was time to break away.

Thanks to an airfare sale and a cheap bed & breakfast found on the Internet, I decided to spend 10 days in London. The stakes were high. I had traveled by myself before, but this time there was something to prove. The prospect of being alone in a city of that magnitude didn't bother me at all. It was the idea of spending the rest of my life alone that horrified me. Hopefully, London would restore my sense of balance and perspective on the major life change facing me. It would also be a challenge for a traveler on a budget!

Travel to any location, near or far, has always been a good tonic for the soul. We must deal with unforeseen circumstances. We have good days and bad days, not unlike our daily lives back home. We must live moment by moment, and not remained locked in our pasts or worried about our futures. In short, we are forced to live our lives in present time. We learn more about ourselves, and how we cope with problems. With those thoughts in mind, I purposely went to England with no plans, no itinerary. I wanted to see what fate had in store, and more importantly, I needed to know that I could handle anything that might happen.

The challenges began the morning I arrived at the B & B, and was told that my room wouldn't be ready for several hours. Exhausted and cold, I walked through the rainy streets, wondering how both to stay awake and to entertain myself. Head down, I trudged along, silently cursing. Why had I come to London in winter? What the hell was I thinking? Suddenly, I looked up and noticed green grass everywhere---and flowers! It was a beautiful sight. I was in Regents Park! Maybe this wasn't such a bad vacation choice after all!

While this may seem odd to anyone not used to long winters, it was a revelation to a Midwesterner who has spent most of her life on the "frozen tundra". By February, we're usually hanging on to our gardening/seed catalogs for dear life, hoping for a glimpse of any other color but the shades of white and gray that surround our external environment.

At any rate, feeling refreshed, I wound my way through the streets until I found Madame Tussaud's Wax Museum. In one room, I was at a garden party with Richard Branson. In another, I was standing next to the Royal Family. In yet another room, I walked by the Beatles and Charlie Chaplin. It was great fun.

Over the next few days, I realized that there wasn't really enough time to see everything without major information overload, so I carefully picked what was most appealing. Museums topped my list, and my next stop was the National Portrait Gallery, where I was given a CD player to use during my visit. The CD explained the significance and symbolism in many of the paintings, which is very helpful when one doesn't have an extensive art background. After that, I realized that the museums had so much to offer, I would never be able to see and comprehend everything. Still, I wanted to have a good understanding of a few works of art. What was the compromise? I chose to go on tours of the National Gallery, and the British Museum, given by experts from London Walks. This is a company which offers all kinds of affordable and fun excursions to London's tourist attractions.

London Walks also offers inexpensive day trips cities outside London. One day, I took their trip to Oxford, where I met up with two Americans I had seen on the tour of the National Gallery. In an odd synchronicity, I had run into one of them while walking through Green Park a couple days after our tour. We had compared notes on the attractions, and I asked her what other sights she was going to visit. We ended up on the Oxford tour together, and spent a pleasant day exploring the town and the university area.

Another day, I took advantage of another London Walks tour to Salisbury and Stonehenge. When we arrived at that centuries-old monument, the tour guide gave us 15 minutes to visit the site. After that, we were expected to be on the bus, and to be prompt. I had come thousands of miles, only to have 15 minutes at this mysterious place? What the hell were they thinking, I wondered. However, after 10 minutes of feeling the brisk English wind in my face, I was back on the bus, chilled to the bone. I had been there and done that. If I wanted to see any more of Stonehenge, I could buy a book! Now I needed some hot tea!

We stopped in a village, and I headed for the nearest tea shop. On the tour, I noticed a woman who looked very unhappy or unfriendly or both. She walked into the tea shop and past my little table. I invited her to sit down, and we ended up having a pleasant conversation, one that didn't end until we got back to London and went our separate ways. Despite her earlier demeanor, she was one of the nicest people I had ever met. It didn't occur to me that maybe she looked unhappy because she was also cold! (She was from Hawaii!) I realized how wrong it was to judge her by her appearance.

A few days into the trip, a difficult problem came up at the B & B where I was staying. The room was "Lilliputian" by American standards, one of the tiniest I had ever seen. In a small space, they had crammed a bed, desk, wardrobe, and TV. A postage-sized bathroom was also included. That wasn't so bad; I could live in a small space. The real problem was that a group of party-happy young Swedes had descended upon the hotel. Their goal, it seemed, was to visited every club in London, get as little sleep as possible, and party as loud as they could. They were located a floor below me, and I could hear every clink of their beer mugs, every laugh, every note of their music. The revelry continued for several nights. The situation rivaled the party scene in "The Ten Commandments", when Charleton Heston (Moses) was on top of Mt. Sinai, talking to God, while his people were left at the foot of the mountain, making merry.

After several sleepless nights, I wanted to send those kids into 40 years' exile from that hotel! Something had to give--it was either them or me. Several requests to the hotel management to intercede on my behalf did not convince the Swedes to repent.

Fed up, one morning I packed my bags, and insisted that my bill be prepared. I was leaving at once! Problem was, there was no "Plan B". I walked out of that place with my suitcases, my pride, and no place to stay!

A few blocks away, I spotted the Hotel Leonard. It looked elegant and beyond my budget. I walked in and asked the staff about room rates and availability. They quoted a price I couldn't afford. Something about my reaction must have clued them in. They asked me what I would like to pay. "Hmmmm. This is like playing poker!" I thought. I looked around, and named a price that was low, but still within their range. They asked if I would be willing to stay 3 nights, which was perfect. I sat on a couch in the lobby and waited while the room was being prepared. The scent of fresh flowers on the nearby coffee table was heavenly. Would I like some tea while I waited? Yes, please! So this was how the other half lived--travelers with unlimited budgets.

About a half hour later, I was shown to my room by a staff member. It was beautiful. During the "tour" the gentleman showed me how to control the heat in the room, and showed me the bathroom. "We have just what you Americans like---a power shower!" he exclaimed. "How nice," I said calmly. Secretly, I wanted to kiss his feet.

After some much-needed sleep and a bath, I looked better, felt better and probably smelled better than I had in days. I also knew that I had broken my travel budget, and was setting myself up for the risk of heart attack or stroke when the credit card bill eventually arrived. However, it was worth it. The Leonard had everything, including that wonderful luxury, room service! In retrospect, my visit probably cost the hotel plenty, as I had kept my room at sub-tropical temperatures!

I made the most of the time left, and discovered my favorite place of all, The Wallace Museum. The Wallace contains everything from medieval armor to delicate porcelains to paintings done by some of the best artists in Europe. It is fabulous. I visited other great places as well, such as the Victoria & Albert Museum and the Tower of London.

By the end of the my journey, I had figured out how to use the London Subway System, no small feat for an American from a "subwayless" city! Tourists were even coming up to me asking for directions! I must have looked like I belonged there.

Samuel Johnson once said that "When a man is tired of London, he is tired of life" and that's certainly true. That city offers a world of history, art, and entertainment to the curious traveler. Best of all, my London visit had restored my confidence. I had been alone much of the time, but had met other travelers along the way. With so much to see and do in a limited time period, I had to make the best choices possible. It was to me to decide the outcome of that trip. I had been up to the challenge.

On the way back home, I realized that the paralyzing fear of being alone for the rest of my life was like the beautiful illusion that is aurora borealis. The fear had sent me packing to England, and forced me to prove to myself that I could be alone and enjoy it. Life is short, and we have to see the beauty in our difficulties. Strength can come from facing what we fear the most.

Teresa Callies
February 2001